For I Have Sinned

Chapter 1

Zaiden

I thought I knew all there was to know. I’m one of those guys who’s all guy. Always throwing myself into anything with my head first. I have the scars and broken bones to prove it.

The town I grew up in wasn’t overly small, but it had a small-town feel with families remaining in the area for generations. Everyone knew everyone. There’s a sense of pride in this town where we’ve kept all the old original structures intact. Not just there, closed off and condemned as nothing but a reminder, but solid and operational.

There are the old stone houses down Ringwald Way. Downtown roads are still cobblestone. The street lamps are the kind that burn with candles—except they’re now electric to keep them safe. Outside the still operational old firehouse is an engine from back in the early 1900s. It still runs, and the town uses it in parades.

I went away to college right out of high school. Moved across the country to a huge city. I played soccer and graduated nameless in a sea of black robes. For the entire four years there, I felt like a nobody. Even as an athlete in a school known for its athletic department, and even as one of the better players on my team, I was still nameless. Faceless. Just a number.

Upon graduation, I came home. Most of my friends had a similar experience. There’s something to be said about the grass on the other side not always being greener.

Putting my mundane business degree to good use, I became a real estate agent. It seemed like the only job that would still afford me the freedom I sought while being able to earn some decent money. Growing up, I was told I could sell anything with my smile and friendly personality. I was damn good about delivering on something impossible.

College nearly had my confidence in myself wiped out but when I got home and dropped in on my best friend Liam, also newly returned from college and feeling the same as I did, I got to talking with him and his older brother. Sam had been a realtor for years and he was attempting to talk Liam into the same career.

As I listened to them talk, snacking on his mother’s famous oatmeal cookies, I thought, this is exactly the field where I can put my skills to use.

Six months later, I was a licensed realtor. Sam hired me. I made my first sale within two weeks. Four years later, I still work with Sam but now as a partner as opposed to just an agent. Meaning, while I continue to make my own sales, I also gain a small commission from the other agents working for our company as well.

This gives me the freedom to live. To travel. Every time I go somewhere new, I come home relieved to have gone but knowing that this is where I belong. This is home.

My next goal in life is a wife, a forever house, kids. I want it all. The only problem is that I feel like I’ve known everyone in my town my entire life. It’s not true, of course. While we may only have one high school and not three like the big cities, we’re always expanding. People come and sometimes, rarely, people go.

And yet, I’m sure that I’ve met everyone in my age group. A few years older and right down to just legal. Not a single woman has ever caught my interest for more than a casual dating arrangement.

Sometimes I think this is why I continue to travel. Because my wife isn’t in my small town. She’s somewhere else. Somewhere in the wide-open world, waiting for me to find her.

“Zaiden.”

I close the app before locking my phone. I’ve resorted to dating apps. That’s something I keep to myself. Because it’s not a line of questioning I’m interested in facing.

Looking up, I find none other than Liam heading for me. I’ve been sitting outside my office for the past half an hour, enjoying the early summer sun. I smile as he approaches.

Liam is one of those good old boys who’s all farm muscle. Which I find weird since he’s only been working on a farm that neighbors our town for the past two years. Ever since he met Sofia, the pretty daughter of Danger Deer Farm. They’re getting married next spring.

The idea makes me glance behind him at the soaring cathedral. Like all towns, there’s a church or temple for every denomination. They range from looking like an elderly care facility to modern structures, to the old world stone and stained glass buildings like the enchanting cathedral that dominates this side of town.

I’ve been in it once or twice. It’s fascinating. Beautiful. Haunting. I love everything about it except the doctrine that is practiced there. It’s a little too… radical for me.

Liam falls onto the bench next to me. “Sofia’s cousin is coming over tomorrow night for dinner. Want to meet her?”

I nod. “Yep.”

Unlike most people, I don’t mind being set up. Again, we’re talking about my next set of goals. I need a wife first and foremost. You can’t just buy a forever house meant for a future family without the other half. And since I’m convinced there’s no one in town for me, I welcome whoever my friends know. Whether it be a neighbor of an out-of-town aunt or their mother’s co-worker’s sister’s niece’s twice-removed cousin’s dog walker’s best friend’s neighbor’s little sister.

I’m ready for my future. I’m not going to settle, but I clearly need to put myself out there to find her.

“Great.” Liam pulls his phone out and taps away. “She’s super cute. Not cute like Sofia but she’s still cute.”

“Mhm,” I answer, knowing he’s only slightly biased.

When he’s finished, he looks up at me with a grin. “How many did you sell this week?”

It’s Friday, so I smile because the week is over. Since I’m a partner now, I don’t have to work weekends unless I choose to. That means my week is finished. “Three,” I answer. “But one was a roll over from last week. The seller was being a pain in the ass, thinking their home is worth more than it is.”

“Healthy commissions, yeah?”

I nod. We have that small-town feel, but we’re city enough that we attract a whole lot of people looking for different walks of life. The town is ever expanding. The suburbs spilling out into the countryside, choking out farms like Sofia’s family farm to make way for developments and progression.

It’s a game of supply and demand. There isn’t much left in the town proper, so prices are pretty high. This week alone, my commissions total almost $40,000. I mean, the houses were good sized but even the small apartments are going for more than $150,000 these days. We’re talking less than 1,000 square feet. It’s rough.

For buyers. 

For me, it works out well. My bank account is happy.

It isn’t long before more of our high school turned lifelong friends find us. James is a pre-k teacher who works down the road at the elementary school closest to my office. Nora owns a boutique shop that caters to tourists. She’s been talking about expanding to make the building her store is in into an inn.

Violet is a librarian, complete with that sexy covered body look that hints at her shape and smart-ass glasses. Carter is a chef. Henry is an accountant and Wesley drives the doggy daycare bus all day. Picking up dogs and bringing them to daycare. He also does the early run for those who go home before five.

We’re an eclectic group and I’m not at all surprised that we have such an array of professions. There’s never a dull day and we never run out of things to talk about.

“Want to head to the courts?” Henry asks, stretching his arms over his head. He’s wearing a typical button-down, but where most accountants you think of are stereotypically lanky from sitting all day staring at a computer, Henry is a little more built up because he can’t sit still to save his life.

Henry has ADHD, so he’s constantly restless. Thankfully, he’s damn good at his job so his company has given him his own office. He’s never sitting still. Always moving around. Throwing a ball at the wall as he processes spreadsheets. There’s a constant input of noise so he can try to drown out all the voices in his head that pull him in eight different directions.

And when none of that works, he will call one of us until someone picks up. We stick him on speakerphone and let him ramble until he finally takes a breath, making sure that we ‘uh huh’ and ‘yep’ occasionally so he knows we’re still there. He doesn’t need interaction. Just an ear to listen to him until he can get all his thoughts out.

Anyway, his constant activity means he likes to run around. Chasing a ball on the basketball court is one such activity.

“Yep,” Violet says, getting to her feet. “I’m going to change. I’ll meet you there in half an hour.”

Wesley and James join her, the three of them living in the same apartment complex. James and Violet even share an apartment.

Henry, Nora, and Carter move in the opposite direction toward their houses. We all live downtown, thanks in part to me. As the keeper of the keys, I know when something comes available first. And I can usually make sure it's affordable for my friends.

Getting to my feet, I head back inside and say goodbye to Sam and the agents who are currently at the office. Then I head out toward the cathedral. I live on the street behind it, so I’m always walking by. It’s nice to live close enough to my office that I don’t have to drive if I don’t want to. And I rarely want to.

As I get closer, I admire the flowers and greenery. They’re set up in flower beds, along paths, around benches. At first, you might not think there’s rhyme or reason to how they’re laid out, but as I get closer, I can see that they’re very carefully planted. With exact spacing around them. Color coordinated so that they almost reflect the stained-glass windows they sit under.

It’s beautiful enough that I stop to admire it. The time and dedication. Will my wife be able to master that? Hell, who’s their landscaper? I want that now.

As if my thoughts were overheard, movement under the tree to my right catches my eye and I’m staring at a man. He’s in black pants and a black shirt. His collar says he’s a priest and yet, his hands are in the soil as he sets flowers around the tree’s trunk. Moving them around until he’s satisfied.

I know without asking that he’s the one who planted all the plants. Did God tell him where to put them? Is that why they’re so perfect where they are?

Without realizing I’m moving toward him, I come to a stop, hovering at his side. He doesn’t look up at first. I get the feeling he’s ignoring me, which can’t be right. Priests don’t ignore people.

Sighing, he leans back on his haunches and finally looks up at me.

My breath catches at his striking green eyes. I notice nothing else at first as I stare into them. I get the distinct impression he’s seeing into my soul, and I squirm. Afraid of what I’ll reveal. Am I overly sinful? Am I greedy?

Swallowing, I smile. Blink. And finally, take in the rest of him. His hair is short but neat. Perfectly trimmed. His face is clean shaven, revealing sharp lines and perfect lips. His lashes are long, lovely.

He’s… beautiful.

“Hello,” he says and everything in me stirs in a way I’m completely unfamiliar with and a little frightened by. “Do you need something?”

I shake my head. “You did the landscaping?”

He nods, his gaze scanning the yard. “I did.” There’s hesitance in his voice.

“It’s remarkable,” I say.

His brows rise a little in surprise. But what has me nearly dropping to my knees next to him is the way his lips curl. Just a little. The way it hints at true beauty if he’d actually smile.

I swallow as he says, “Thank you.”

When a beat passes where neither of us speaks, he breaks the silence. “Are you new here?”

My eyes widen, and I laugh. Somehow, I find myself joining him on my knees, dropping my bag to the grass next to me. I’m close to him. Probably too close to be appropriate. I don’t move. He just watches me.

“I’ve been here my entire life,” I say. “Zaiden Nyles.”

His gaze flits to the sign beyond me. The one outside our real estate office.

I nod. “Yep. I’m that Zaiden. I don’t recognize you, though. Are you new here?”

He looks at the flowers and then at the cathedral before nodding. “I suppose. I’ve been here for a couple years.”

“Your name? Or is it a secret?”

There’s a smirk on his face when he looks my way again. I feel it in my core. Everything in me jumps. Everything. I nearly squirm in an effort to adjust myself.

“Ellsworth Sanna.”

“Reverend?”

The smile fades, and he closes his eyes. “Something like that, yeah.”